Killer Nutcrackers?

There are scary Christmas movies about evil gift-givers, killer snowmen, ominous ghosts, and much more, but there’s something missing from the annals of yuletide horror: nutcrackers! Somehow, no major nutcracker horror movie has ever been made.

This seems like such an obvious concept. I can’t be the only person who thinks they’re creepy. I have childhood memories of visiting my uncle’s house on Christmas Eve and feeling unsettled by his impressive collection of Nutcracker statues.

They always seemed to be staring at me, as if they were waiting for the right time to strike. Nutcrackers are always showing their teeth. They look like they’re snarling. Don’t get too close, or they’ll bite!

They’re often armed with weapons. Many of them are hoisting pointy swords. Others are clutching seemingly benign candy canes. This doesn’t offer much comfort. Hey, candy canes can be deadly. Just watch Anna and the Apocalypse or It’s A Wonderful Knife if you don’t believe me!

A Missed Opportunity!

Nutcrackers are obvious choices for horror movie villains, but they’ve been surprisingly underused so far. I searched the internet, but the only film I could find was the ultra-obscure Nutcracker Massacre from 2022. I haven’t seen it, but the only major review that I could find was overwhelmingly negative.

We need a major horror filmmaker to tackle a nutcracker horror movie. This seems like the type of project Eli Roth would be interested in. Maybe Mike Flanagan, too? Perhaps even Jordan Peele? Come on, we’ve had movies about killer tomatoes and homicidal gingerbread men. Surely somebody is interested in giving us an evil nutcracker!

Is the lack of Nutcracker horror movies due to potential copyright infringement in regard to the famous Nutcracker ballet? Maybe, although that obviously didn’t stop Nutcracker Massacre from getting made. I’m no lawyer, but I think the filmmakers would be fine, as long as they weren’t blatantly copying the ballet nutcrackers.

Even Full Moon would do a solid job with a nutcracker horror movie. After all, these are the folks who brought us tiny terrors in PuppetMaster and The Gingerdead Man. It would be fun to see a Full Moon nutcracker flick unleashed upon the world.

Hopefully a talented filmmaker will tackle this project sooner or later! I’ll be first in line to watch it!

Thanks for reading!